A ghost... and a funny video!
^^^^^^ENJOY THIS FUNNY VIDEO WHILE I TALK ABOUT A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, SERIOUS SUBJECT!!!!^^^^^
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Soooo weird - A good handful of ppl have brought the idea of "ghosting" up to me these last couple weeks! It's like an epidemic of ghosts. And i've been thinking lately about the exact term "ghosting". How it was coined and the action one takes to "ghost".
SO HERE'S THE BLOG!
Urban Dictionary defines ghosting as
"The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.
EX. Carmen: How was your second date with Kyle? Beth: I thought it went well, but I've texted him a couple of times since then and he's been ghosting me. Carmen: What? I thought he was more mature than that."
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Of course we know ghosting doesn't have to only apply to officially "dating" someone. It could fall under any agreement of relationship between people. I would go as far to say you can start ghosting a friend! But friend's would react a bit differently because the disclosure between friendship is a different dynamic than intimate romantic relationships.
But, what I find most interesting about ghosting is the thought of taking that action in the first place; dropping all relations, association, and excommunicating ghost self from ghostee's life.
My thoughts.
Because ghosting usually happens after a positive, pleasant date or interaction, the feeling of a "rug-pulled-from-under" is very powerful. The ghostee feels lost, confused, trapped in a glass case of emotional neglect (Anchorman). You tend to question if you were reading the wrong signs or taking the wrong actions.
The Answer to the ultimate question of ghosting is NOT YOU, ghostee. You are not the reason why this ghosting happened, but the insecurities and issues that are deeply embedded in your ghost. Lets think about it. I will use "you" (the general sense) to replace "the ghostee". If you're not a crazy psycho person, I'll assume you were only feeling, doing, living, off of what emotions you were getting from your partner. And then your partner is the one who starts to ghost. So What did you do??
I don't know! Who does know? But I do know it is your Power. We, as individuals have more power than we care to believe, or give ourselves credit for.
The power to make someone completely end communication with you is immense! Seriously! You enjoy your chats and then all of a sudden - terminated? POWERFUL STUFF! Aside from it being shitty, and heartache-y, think about how much power you hold over them, the ghoster! You are so strong, that it intimidated them so much, enough to question how and what they were feeling, enough they had to run away. And we're not saying the reason they ended with you was because they didn't like you - On the contrary, we've established the partner really enjoyed chatting or spending time with you. It is the power we hold, as woman, as men, as individuals. Power and strength to make someone completely fall off the face of the earth, in this case, earth = your life. It's pretty freaking incredible!
If you are open to feeling, to reciprocating, to letting in, that is power in it self. It takes cojones in being so freeing with any level of intimacy. And that is NOT WRONG. Life is all about disclosure and happiness and if you let yourself fall for the happiness you felt you were getting, 10 points for you glen coco! That's the point of life! And that power is seriously intimidating to some!
I'm not saying I have the end all be all explanation for why people ghost, but I do know it's in great power that the ghostee has. You are usually not reserved in feeling, nor insecure in disclosing. Confident in yourself and in getting to know. But the other person still runs away. There is no way to fully get your closure but know the fact that you were so open, and willing to put yourself out there is BRILLIANT and HEROIC! It's powerful stuff! It's pure strength. It show's a definitive sign of weakness to run away. And as the ghostee, you stayed put, you are strong. Unafraid of the unknown, throw your spaghetti noodles of emotion and see if it sticks. If not, of course there's nothing you can do about it. No sense in prying an answer out of someone not willing to face the real questions themselves. The ghost has issues of their own. That you can't face. Enough that they are willing to run away from something that makes them happy. So don't stress on you, or think you are at fault.
Life is all about finding the happiness and holding on to it. Yes, persevere! Yes, fulfill your passions and dominate your career! But if you can't be someone willing to find a partner to be happy through all that, regardless of the stupid labels society adds on, then you have nothing.
You keep being you - you rock, be happy, fuck da haters
pce. luv. miley cyrus.
