Go Big or Go Home

Vintage Coach Backpack | Guess Booties | Nine West Wide Brim Hat | Forever21 Coat

2nd Day of work outfit, some pieces from the showroom... Explore, enjoy :)

“What’s the point of language,

If you don’t say what you feel?”

Sometimes I feel lost, empty, alone. I feel capable, willing, in-charge. I feel broken, battered, bruised. I feel like I have a killer new job that amazes and inspires me with all its responsibility and adventure.

Who’s to say I’m not allowed to feel opposite emotions at once? Who’s to say I can’t feel energized and sorrow, loneliness and success, accomplishment and hollowness? I have lost the only one I love and now feel him drifting away but have such incredible adventures and endeavors in my life. It’s a weird limbo between losing part of yourself while having to move forward with the amazing opportunities at hand. I am grateful for what I have presently and coming in my future but my heart is currently in someone else’s possession.

I feel torn.

I started my new job at Emblem Showroom in Downtown LA this week! Position as Sales Representative for New York – which is incredible because I will be shuttling back and forth from New York to LA scouting boutiques, designers, buyers, trade shows, galore! I am very proud of myself because 1. I will be contributing to a successful, striving showroom and their designers… 2. I accepted a position that has now put me towards the direction of my other life-calling career. My only hesitation from accepting the position stemmed from the idea that I could lose focus on my priorities for acting. For some reason, I was worried that taking this position would be an obstacle for my acting career but on the contrary. After venting with friends, I realized I was talking crazy. This job is a gateway to the field of my fashionable dreams. I know I will make an effect in this fashion industry and now I’m able to get down and dirty.

Truthfully, I was torn. Because committing to this position meant I was on the road of pursuing TWO careers at one time! WHICH IS FREAKING SCARY! But also exhilarating. And daring! Who’s to say we’re not capable of it all? That if we set our hearts, mind’s, dreams to it, we can’t succeed? Well I’m saying I can. Because I will, I must. It’s ingrained in me to live creatively. And regardless, the more we say yes – stop ourselves from closing off, giving in, and saying no – the more opportunity arises. The more doors open. The more love, life, happiness grows. From our own decisions.

So yes, I feel torn. My heart is torn. But my passion still drives me. And I guess that’s all we really have control of.